Lament

I couldn’t get Jane Dougherty’s challenge form out of my head (see yesterday’s post); and so I came up with another poem. It was inspired by the stormy rainy day we have had – a downpour with a nice stiff wind, too. A melancholy kind of day.

Jane said: “a single stanza of five lines of ten syllables each. The five end of line words all rhyme, so I strongly suggest you pick a selection of rhyming words before you start.” This time I chose “rain”, and the process went along a little faster.

Thank you again, Jane.

Lament

Thought I was ready for it. The cold rain
blown against the windows. The daisy chain
I never made. The abrasive refrain
of the last cricket. The trees stripped and plain.
The skeletons of fall. These all remain.

9/29/16

"Three Raindrops". Acrylics and India ink. 9" x 12". 2015.

“Three Raindrops”. Acrylics and India ink. 9″ x 12″. 2015.

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23 thoughts on “Lament

  1. I like it better myself. Despite my liking for the word tapestry! I think the difference is this poem arose from my own direct experience and I was letting out my feelings…more direct, maybe, and I felt more at ease and that showed in the result?

  2. I think I understand why you like this one more. The structure of it is almost invisible. It comes over as pure emotion without any of the boxed in impression you often get with structured poetry. I love it 🙂

  3. Thank you. I think in the earlier poem, the rhyme words have too much weight. I later reordered the lines to break them differently and I think it made it better. You still heard the rhymes but they occupied a more balanced place in the poem. This is intriguing to me, I’ve never thought this way. See what you did! It’s great!

  4. Fall is the time of year when I miss my home in Upstate New York. There are so many beautiful rich colors. Sigh

  5. I’m so glad you see it that way! Looking at the way rhymes work, and the place of a word in the line has made me think hard about why one way sounds better than another. Like music and tones.

  6. I don’t understand how writers can not be sufficiently interested in the tools of their trade to make sure they don’t misuse them. So many writers mangle and abuse words.

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