Absorbing an Experience

I made this collage some years back. It represents a hallway in a building near me, before it was remodeled in a bland beige corporate style. I liked the black/white linoleum floor. This collage makes me wonder if I knew what was coming for my right eye, even way back then? I guess some questions just can't be answered.

I made this collage some years back. It represents a hallway in a building near me, before it was remodeled in a bland beige corporate style. I liked the black/white linoleum floor.
This collage makes me wonder if I knew what was coming for my right eye, even way back then? I guess some questions just can’t be answered.

I seem to have the need to chew things over in my mind and it often takes me a while to absorb an experience. Writing poetry helps me to do that.

I’m still recovering from my eye surgery – it has gone very well for me and I am relieved and grateful. My eye is still quite sore and tires easily, but my vision continues to improve. It will not return to what it was before the macular hole ocurred, but I think it’s awfully good and such a change from right before the procedure.

So here’s a haiku group with a few conclusions about my eye repairs so far! I’ve annotated each one below the series to explain what prompted it – I think it’s very interesting to read them for their literal information and then to think about them a bit less concretely – but isn’t that what poetry is about, anyway!

Haiku Group After Eye Repairs

1.
A tiny black gnat
patrols the periphery
of a new outlook

2.
Two eyes scan the room
offering up two versions
of one brown tiled floor

3.
Black ink on white page
Two eyes consult each other
and let words take shape

4.
Knowing you will not
vanish squeezed and distorted
into the vortex

Now, for some annotations:

1.
I’ve acquired a tiny black floater – not unusual after a vitrectomy. It looks exactly like a gnat and I have swatted at it a few times. We are now becoming friends and I don’t start in surprise when it seems to zoom in from above my head.

2.
My left eye sees a perfect grid of tiles on the floor; my right eye still sees some distortion in the middle of the view. This could have been a problem if my work had involved the necessity for straight lines but luckily it doesn’t.

3.
Reading is not very easy still but it’s getting better. The left eye really has to help out the right eye, because the right eye leaves out letters due to a small blind spot. It’s led to some interesting mistakes.

4.
Before the surgery everything I looked at with my right eye seemed to be compressed and pinched, heading toward the middle of my view and then disappearing. The area affected became larger and larger as time went on and started to affect my vision even when using both eyes. It was very disconcerting to try to keep objects, people, cars on the road, the food on my plate, in the same dimension as I was.

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8 thoughts on “Absorbing an Experience

  1. Yes, that’s very true. Since my eyes get tired so quickly, it is easier to think than to do anything visual. I am lucky I do not do very detailed small drawings, that’s for sure!

  2. Hmmm, I had not thought of that. I’ll try it and post the results. It’s very interesting – the tiles warp and move as I run my eye over them and then, as they become the periphery rather than the center of my view, they return to normal. Before the surgery, there was a whole field of them. Now it’s down to just the intersection of a couple of lines. Straight lines also have a little curved section. Overall, it’s intriguing. I’m repeating myself but I’m very happy with how things have returned to straightness —

  3. Before the surgery, though the view was intellectually speaking very interesting, I found it terrifying and threatening, because my eye was essentially useless and it affected my overall vision and therefore my ability to function. Now that it’s improved after surgery, it’s easier to see it as just a quirk in my outlook that I can compensate for, and that I can return to pretty much my usual life, it’s more tolerable and I can look at it more disspassionately. I have a new appreciation for eyesight and what it means to me as an artist, and as a person, that’s for sure!

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